I am busy. I’m working nearly full time, going to school full time, and trying to maintain my relationships, health, and happiness. In the next year, I’ll only be adding to that list: in June I’m getting a puppy, and in September I’m starting not one, but two therapy internships.
In the past few months, my days start at 2 AM, when I wake up and make mental to-do lists until I somehow manage to fall asleep again (sometimes that just doesn’t happen). I’ve been going through the ups and downs of anxiety and stress, and these have made my autoimmune symptoms worse.
It sounds like I’m dying – and really, I’m not. Every day, I’m surprising myself with how well I can function under a lot of responsibility and pressure. However, I live like I’m dying sometimes, too.
More accurately, I live like there is not enough: I run around thinking that there’s not enough time, not enough money, not enough food, not enough ways to distract myself. I literally feel like I’m running as fast as I can, but I’m never quite catching up to where I want to be.
On a walk, I had an epiphany about that: I am living as though I am trapped in an economy of scarcity. When resources are scarce, I cling to the resources that I have for dear life. I ration and deprive myself, and I often make choices that are governed by fear or desperation. I am encouraged by the culture surrounding me: in the USA, we can never have enough stuff, we never have enough time, and we are never doing enough to be truly content with ourselves.
I have decided to stop this. There’s another economy besides the economy of scarcity: the economy of abundance. When things are abundant, I can relish and enjoy them. I can prioritize my tasks and use my time how I want to. I can luxuriate in my freedom to choose what I do and when. I can be grateful that I wake up every day with so many opportunities to interact with people and learn from the world. I don’t need more stuff, and I don’t need more money. In brief, I have everything that I need.
I’ve written about this before. That has been a powerful thought for me since I first realized it. Everything I need is right here with me as I sit in my school’s psychology building, writing a wordpress blog, after taking my few spare minutes to journal, before class.
I can sit here and think about how frustrated I am that there is never enough time and I have not accomplished enough today. Or, I can revel in the fact that almost all of my reading got done. I can love that I went to work today and earned money listening to kids read their funny and creative “modern” versions of famous Greek myths. I can think about the delicious, homemade dinner and smoothie that I packed myself as a between-classes snack. And, I can look forward to going home to my amazing partner to veg out with Dexter before bed.
I found myself doing the former, so I guess I wrote this partly to remind myself to do the latter. Abundance is beautiful, comforting, and inspires me to be the best version of myself that I can be. Scarcity makes me wallow in my imperfections instead of valuing them for making me more human.
How is your life abundant?