Food and Feelings

You and food have a relationship.

Food and I have a relationship. One of the things I love and hate about the whole30 is that it purports to change your “relationship” with food. Only in the midst of my 2nd? 3rd? round do I finally realize exactly what kind of relationship they mean.

Food is the most significant other we have. It’s in our life daily. We depend on it for sustenance. It makes us feel happy, sad, frustrated, tired. It’s also an activity that connects us to other people. It’s how we celebrate and socialize. I didn’t realize how impactful it was until I started intentionally thinking about that impact.

But guys, changing that relationship isย hard.

I had a meltdown at the doctor’s office this week, because she started telling me about more stuff I can try to help me digest things. Subconsciously, I wanted her to say, “you’re healed, go forth and eat all the things.”

Of course that wasn’t the reality. Guts are hard to heal, and it takes a lot of time and patience and healthy, clean choices. I’ve been pretty positive and gung-ho and energetic about my new lifestyle for the past 55 days…but suddenly, in the past couple of weeks, I can’t help thinking about what I’m missing.

The Domino’s ads on my Insta feed make me drool. The pastries at coffee shops call out to me: “eat us…” My housemate made pesto tortellini the other night and I spent a good three minutes staring at the pot, smelling the cheese, and thinking to myself: “would just one really hurt?”

Probably not, is the answer, which makes it harder to resist. But then again, maybe it kind of would.

The tough thing about chronic inflammation in the body, especially related to food, is that it is low-grade, and seems “normal.” I didn’t know I was always tired and foggy, orย how much my allergies, reactive airways and eczema affected me – until all these things cleared up. I didn’t know how bad off I was until I gradually gotย better. And, once you have one tortellini, it’s easy to have more, thinking there’s no problem – until you gradually get worse again.

Hence, the strict process of “reintroduction,” which I am now entering. I made a list of foods I really want to eat again. Thai food, gluten-free grains, and maybe some goat milk yogurt and granola (with paleo sweeteners) all made the list.

Post-meltdown, my doc gave me a great reminder – whatever you do, the most important thing is to listen to your body.ย If I’m craving dietary variety, it’s a sign that it’s time to start adding things in. But, in order to keep and bolster my new relationship with food, I need to be very intentional about how that happens.ย The goal is to eat those things I miss one at a time, leaving a couple of days of Whole30 between each new thing so that I can tell if it impacts my system, and how.

After my meltdown, I realized another thing that’s been getting me down: because I am still in the thick of it, I haven’t taken enough moments to celebrate the lifestyle changes I’ve madeย successfully so far.

One reason for this goes back to my relationship with food as celebration. We have cake at birthdays, dinner on Valentine’s Day, feasts on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and wine and cupcakes and happy hour snacks when it’s Friday.

How do I celebrate without treats? How do I treat myself without sweets? That’s what I have to figure out.

But first – a Pressed Juicery Freeze, because old habits die hard.

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Vanilla bean, dates, coconut milk – topped with strawberries, cacao, and coconut

 

Food and Feelings